Choosing Self Compassion and Self Trust
It was a tough week. I almost skipped writing this, but I feel strongly compelled to share what I’m experiencing. Last week, I was pushing myself hard and beating myself up over all of the work that I “should” be doing… should… should… should. My neck and shoulder tension were bothering me but I was ignoring the pain, which I know never works well. I’ve experienced a total of 3 migraines over the past 8 years. They’ve all occurred during times of great stress, largely stress from outside circumstances that I have no control over, but I still manage to carry great concern for and self criticism regarding how I should be doing better. So, in other words, I was putting a lot of blame and responsibility and not good enoughness on my own shoulders. The migraine I endured last week was by far the worst, it humbled me completely.
I am so grateful for the thorough and truly compassionate care that I received from my chiropractor… if not for his next level care, I would have ended up at the ER because I was panicking. In all honesty, I’m still a bit sore, it has taken more than a week for my body to recover. I realized that what I really needed, what all of us really need, is a major dose of self-compassion. This is a difficult time for everyone. Discounting or ignoring our feelings or comparing/shaming our feelings does so much more harm than good. Please know that everything that you’re feeling is valid and okay to feel.
This past week, I slowed down, I rested, I took a media break, I eased up on the house chores (and didn’t feel guilt about that), I asked my husband and my kids for help, and I accepted that all the work that I “should” be doing could wait. I allowed that my body and mind and spirit needed some compassion, comforting, and deep self-care and this is all more than okay, it’s essential for living a vibrant and mindful life. We all have the opportunity to choose self-compassion and radical self-care and I encourage you to whole-heartedly accept this opportunity. If you do, you will come through more resilient, more creative, and more full of love. In the words of the wonderful and brilliant musician Frank Turner, “Let’s make compassion in fashion again”.
I also want to share a related story of choosing self-compassion and self-trust. I received a phone call from a dear friend this week because she was in a bit of a job crisis and wanted to talk through it. She had recently accepted a new job, but after only a few weeks was realizing that it wasn’t what she wanted. There were numerous reasons why the new job felt yucky, but the guilt and shame for taking the job in the first place and not just “trying harder” (intensified by a supervisor whom used guilt and shame freely) were creeping in.
We talked a few times throughout the day as she worked through her emotions and the possibilities. During the rollercoaster of what she “should” do versus want she knew she really wanted to do, she had an interaction with a co-worker that really exemplified what her work life would be like for the next couple of years and she was able to fully embrace her desire to move on. She called me again after her interaction with her co-worker to report that she knew she wanted to resign from this job and we joked about throwing herself a going away party and she suggested that perhaps a parade would be better.
A few minutes later we hung up because the sound of sirens outside her window caught her attention. She texted me, “OMG, there’s a parade going on”… yep, that happened. It was a graduation parade, so not exactly in her honor but she just asked for a parade and received one (cosmic humor or coincidence… you choose). Had she not been able to give herself compassion for the “mistake” of taking this job, had she fallen victim to the guilt and shame that can potentially come along with any responsibility, she would have sentenced herself to more suffering instead of allowing herself other opportunities. Self-compassion is always the healing path, the outlet to greater opportunity and growth. As Frank Turner would say, “be more kind my friends, try to be more kind”… especially to yourself.
Well wishes,
Sara