Do You Trust Yourself?

One of my favorite ways to connect with nature is to lie down on the earth.  

The house that we moved into here in Washington does not have a yard.  I didn’t love this, but I thought it was a compromise I could live with until I fully realized how much it really bothered me… the loss of private outdoor space.  

What a luxury it used to be to have my own yard, to be comfortable enough to lie down in the grass naked if I wished.  To plant a garden and put bare hands and feet on the earth.    

Over the summer I tried putting out a blanket in a circle of community grass in our neighborhood.  I did have a nice moment of rest and I enjoyed watching the clouds, but I wasn’t able to fully relax… I was too aware of all the houses surrounding me with people I didn’t know looking down on me wondering why an adult was actually taking advantage of the community grass that was only supposed to look nice and see occasional use from kids and dogs.

I kept thinking about finding a Sara-sized piece of earth where I could fully relax.  A place where I could lie down and feel the earth supporting me, watch the natural world around me, and feel connected, restful, and peaceful.  

While I was walking at a forest park a couple weeks ago, I had a spontaneous urge to leave the path to find such a place.  I instantly talked myself out of it… what if someone sees you?… just keep walking.    

I started questioning myself, why… why was I so concerned?…  In that moment I called myself out… I recognized I was in an old pattern of not trusting myself, not listening to my own desires, not letting myself want what I want because I was too concerned about what others might think.

I gave myself permission.  I continued my walk, I tried a new path and I spotted a Douglas Fir that sparked the same urge to leave the path.  So I did, and when I made it to my goal I was rewarded with the knowing that I’d found what I was looking for.  

The ground was soft and spongey with a sprinkling of Doug Fir needles and patches of moss.  I lay down with my head at the base of the tree and looked up to the tree canopy and the sky above me.  I settled into the earth and felt the missing piece click into place.  I finally felt fully grounded.  I was safely held so my roots could continue to grow deeper.

What would happen if you allowed yourself to embrace that spontaneous urge?  What would happen if you trusted yourself, listened to your own desires, and allowed yourself to want what you want without judgment?  

Well wishes,

Sara