Feeling Good is the Goal

I had to turn down an invitation this week, which broke my heart and also set me free.  It was an invitation that part of me has been yearning to receive for the last ten years… but I couldn't accept it without abandoning myself and I don't do that anymore.  The relationship I had with the person whom extended this invitation has changed so drastically I have to accept it for what it currently is, not the version I wished for ten years ago.  I cried for the me of 10 years ago that hoped for such a different relationship and I praised the current version of myself that has grown enough to understand that letting go of relationships that cause pain is healthy and empowering.    

In the past, I’ve found myself feeling like I needed to accept every invitation I received from this person, whom scarcely or sporadically offered them.  A previous version of myself would have accepted with naive optimism (maybe it will be different this time) only to attend and feel drained and exhausted afterward.  

I realize now that the most important factor to consider in accepting any invitation is me.  I have accepted many invitations in my life based on feeling like I "should" (obligation).  I now ask myself a series of questions if the answer isn't an immediate yes.  I pay attention to my initial reaction, was my instant response "yes" or "no"?  Will I feel loved and energized if I attend?  Will I be able to be myself?  Will I feel open and engaged?     
If the answer to most of these questions is no then I have my answer.  If I answer no to any of these questions then I might be trying to force myself and I need to get deeper into the why.  It can be easy to abandon ourselves by ignoring our own limits and desires and pretending that the right thing to do is to just go and suffer through.  

I used to apply the concept of having to do things I didn’t want to do across all the areas of my life.  I accepted that there were just a lot of things that I had to do that I didn’t enjoy.  I was constantly convincing myself that this was just how it was.  I was keeping myself from accepting my own truth in order to not make waves and disturb life for anyone else.  I kept myself in a job I didn’t like, in relationships that I desperately needed space from, and in a life I didn’t really love.

I used to struggle with the concept, “if it’s not a hell yes, then it’s a hell no” because so many of my decisions seemed to be so much more complicated than that.  Now I realize that this concept is actually is pretty spot on.  If so many complications arise that I find myself struggling through the possible outcomes and overthinking, I know that I’m trying to talk myself into it.  I now fully embrace the reality that my life is meant to be enjoyed.  The choices that I make, the invitations that I accept, the invitations that I offer, can all be to increase my own engagement and enjoyment in life.  

Feeling good is the goal.  Honoring your own desires is the goal.  Taking care of yourself is the goal.  Your life is meant to be enjoyed.

Well wishes,
Sara